With the advent of my body being tested by our most magnificent Emperor in the form of an invisible but none the less potent virus that is commonly referred to as the common cold (To be blunt, I find this common reference to it to be insulting because, as you all should know by now, nothing about me is common!), I have decided to spend a few minutes to let you all bask for a while in the light of my uncommon understandings and musings.

For today's seminar I have chosen to expand and detail some of my fondly held tactics when war-gaming with my trusted subordinates and 'friends'. While the Imperium is built on the belief of human superiority (as it should be!), I have found it to be beneficial to simulate what encounters with other species are like.

In resent games (with points being the cost of human blood and supplies, such as munitions, armor and fuel in most cases, along with equally comparable amounts given to the adversary) the Tyranids (curse them) have been employing an old but recently revived tactic called "screening". This has the effect of shielding the stronger units behind weaker ones in the front, forcing us to choose between two rather ineffective options: shoot the weaker ones who are closest to us or try to shoot the ones behind them and hopefully do an above average job of damaging them while letting to weaker ones make it into our lines almost untouched. Back in the older editions of this simulation, troops where aloud to always shoot the "big ones" and roll a leadership check to ignore the frontal troops, who are often lowly gaunts, letting us destroy the much more dangerous bugs without having the weaker ones give them cover from our holy bolters and lasguns. In the newer simulations, much to my annoyance, we deal with a much a much more true to life experience and as such new tactics are to be employed.

While many of you are now wanting to ask me what these new tactics and strategies are, I have faith in the rest of you that you already know that I will not grace you with such instructions. You might come to the conclusion that I do this because I do not have any, but once again you are unforgivably wrong. I know of thousands of ways to defeat this foe and all of there petty strategies. I simply choose not to give them to you in hopes that you will rise to the occasion and find your own ways to counter this threat. After all, I already do too much for all of you spoiled human rats who leach off my hard work and dedication to the Emperor, ever praised be his name.

. . . All right, I guess I will give in and provide you with a little trick that never fails to end the simulation in favor of the Imperium (or any other race or faction you might be using). Simply shoot or by some other means kill every enemy on the board. Trust me, it NEVER fails.